Hybrid Christianity

I've recently come to realize that I don't see the same God my husband (and maybe many of you) sees. I don't know the same Christ he knows. I don't serve the same God he does. This angers me. I want to know the Christ he knows.....He seems so cool! The Jesus I see is a Son who died for sins b/c He was obeying His father. Out of reverence? Out of loyalty? Out of fear? I don't know. I've been told He loves me unconditionally but I've been shown that I have to work back into His good graces. That whole..."if you're lukewarm He'll spew you out" thing is hard for me to hear. It's hard for me to reconcile that unconditional-love is patient, love is kind-type of love with that. Unfortunately, I was shown that if you don't feel close to Him or if you've sinned you're gonna have to do things to please Him again. So, I see Christ dying for me but when I sin or whatever I see Him being very disappointed in me, maybe even angry that I'm not appreciative of His sacrifice. And I sin a lot! So, I see Him being like that most of the time. I've been taught that a "good Christian" is someone who prays a lot, reads the Word every day, serves the Church, raises a godly family, leads a bunch of people to heaven, gives to the poor & needy, doesn't drink, doesn't cuss, doesn't laugh at dirty jokes, doesn't have sex before marriage, doesn't listen to secular music, doesn't doubt or question what their Church or the Bible says, is a conservative, properly dressed, meek, submissive  and passive person. I can tell you honestly that I do/am ONE of those things (I'll let you pick! lol). So, I now live my life feeling and thinking that I will NEVER live up to that "good Christian" status. How can I? That person is NOT me and honestly, I don't know if I want it to be....Some of those things are great and I agree with but I don't necessarily want to be the Christian my upbringing has shown me. Is there another kind of Christian out there?  I want to be a Hybrid Christian!!   Is this possible or will I be that "lukewarm" stuff He vomits out? And what would that look like? How would I know what a true "good Christian" is and not just what people tell me I should be?  I really don't know....